We Asked, You Answered: Your First Abortion Debate

We asked our followers on Facebook and Twitter: "What is your earliest memory of getting involved in the abortion debate?" Here are a few of our favorite responses: 

Colette M.: I remember learning what an abortion was in 5th grade in 1976. I couldn't comprehend it. Why would women think that having a baby would get in their way? They should stand up and demand better treatment! Guess I was a pro-life feminist without even knowing it!

Matt T.: My earliest memories are learning about it from watching The Daily Show as a child. I thought the other side was foolish for saying a child was alive before even being born, and only religious dogma could justify such a serious impediment to human sexual expression. How far I have come!

Caitriona B.: Probably when I was about 10 and my dad drunkenly told me my mom "got rid of the wrong ones."

Michael C.: In 8th grade biology class they covered what makes something alive on the first day of class. I asked "So, is a fetus alive?" The teacher who I kind of assumed was a liberal said, "Yes, a fetus is alive." I already knew but I figured if the teacher said it it would have more weight than if I did. I've done it in every biology class I've ever taken. No surprise I always get the same answer.

Andrew G.: The moment my future wife told me why I should be pro-life. Until then I was on the sidelines of the pro-choice team in the name of free will. She really changed my whole view of life with that conversation.

Crystal K.: Kindergarten, holding up a sign at a Life Chain event in Oregon that read, "Abortion Kills Children."

Eric P.: High school. Mostly tried to keep to myself, but we had a lot of militant feminists/pro-abortionists attempting to "proselytize" abortion. When I had enough of the insults I finally said something back. Got heavily into the debate when I found out how many children had been murdered in this manner.

Sophie T.: First week of my freshman year in college, when my new friend said he was starting a pro-life club at our university. I'd always been pro-life in a vague sort of way, but I told my friend I'd help him without knowing what I was getting into. Little did I know I'd discover a passion for pro-life/whole-life advocacy.

Mandie R.: When I talked to my then fiance about if I were raped and got pregnant that I'd keep the baby because don't believe in abortion, and he threatened me with how he wouldn't be able to look at me the same if someone other guy did that to me and he wouldn't be able to look at the kid if it wasn't his. I was maybe 21 at the time.

Laura P.: Man, LiveJournal. You were fun while you lasted.

@maggery1570: Drawing horns and a devil's tail on a picture of Bill Clinton in my kindergarten class because my mom told me he killed babies. She was arrested during an Operation Rescue protest in the 80s. Let's just say my pro-life views have gotten a little more nuanced since I was 5!

Tiff M.: My freshman year in high school. I chose the pro-life position for my first persuasive essay in English.

Morgan W.: I don't remember my first debate, but I remember the first time I saw a picture of an aborted baby. My mom was a pro-life leader in our community. I grew up with literature and knowledge of both abortion and fetal development. I am glad I knew the reality of abortion early on. It cemented the truth and none of the empty pro-choice arguments were ever able to stand.

[Photo credit: Volodymyr Hryshchenko on Unsplash]

We Asked, You Answered: How Former Pro-Choicers Changed Their Minds

We asked our Facebook followers: "For those of you who used to be pro-choice, what made you change your mind?" The post blew up, with hundreds of thoughtful comments. Here are just a few of our favorites.

Jamie S.: Actually listening to pro-life people instead of just dismissing them, and researching the science of the developing embryo as my unborn baby developed inside of me. I began questioning what I was actually fighting for - what could be more important than the tiny little life that was growing inside of me, whose sole protector was me?

Bradley B.: I hate to admit this but it was one of those great big billboards showing baby remains on my college campus. In my case it was an arm and a torso next to a dime. It was just so visceral and made me truly stop and consider what we are doing.

Maribel L.: First sonogram of my little bean, who we then lost. Completely solidified when I saw my 26 weeker grow in an incubator. I saw his eyelashes grow out during his stay. You can't convince me that is NOT a person in the womb, no matter the gestational age.

Tess S.: Basically realizing that it was inconsistent to support abortion being legal only in the first trimester if abortion needs to be available because of bodily autonomy. I never agreed with late-term abortion but I thought it should be legal in the first trimester. Eventually I came to realize that the only really consistent positions to take was either the pro-life position or allow abortion basically up until birth. I thought about how generally speaking we see humans as valuable because of what they are, regardless of ability or age.

Chad K.: Science made me change my mind.

KC K.: Hearing conversion stories from former abortionists, especially Dr. Bernard Nathanson.

Lynn W.: Found out how MANY abortions were done, and then decided one was too many, after befriending numerous women who experienced long-lasting trauma from their abortions.

William A.: Their rhetoric is convincing if you don't think about it. The "abortions will still happen even if you make them illegal" was convincing to me for a long time till I realized if we apply that logic equally nothing may as well be illegal.

Stefan S.: I used to say to myself "I personally would never want anyone I'm with to have an abortion, but everyone else has that choice." But I slowly came to the realization that morality can't be fluid. It's a fixed idea. Therefore if I believed it was wrong for myself, it must be wrong for everyone. Arrogant, I know, but that was really only the first step.

Elise M.: I used to be pro-choice in that I saw abortion as killing, but I reasoned that sometimes killing is justified (like in self-defense). Then, once I explored the actual reasons that someone would need to end a pregnancy in order to save their life, I quickly realized that abortion was never medically necessary. In a medical emergency, it's far quicker to deliver a baby via c-section, than to perform a late-term abortion. I also learned that most life-threatening medical complications in pregnancy occur later on, when an abortion is actually full-on labor and delivery of a dead baby. This completely changed my mind and made me see that abortion was never necessary. Even if the baby would certainly die if delivered early, it's still acceptable if the life of the mom is at stake. What's not acceptable is killing the baby first and then delivering it. What nonsense.

Lisa D.: When safe, legal, and rare became commonplace, desirable, and celebrated.

Robert W.: Becoming a mortician. When you deal with death every day you realize how valuable all lives are, at every stage of development.

Peggy A.: The total subjectivity and intellectual dissonance of - if the baby is wanted it's tragic if there's miscarriage but if the pregnancy is unplanned ... completely ok and even celebrated to end the baby's life. My own deep grief - when I couldn’t even describe it as that - testified to the inherent worth of my child's life.

Come to the light side. We have cool signs and even cooler people.

We Asked, You Answered: What Pro-Life Things Would You Do With A Lottery Jackpot?

With both the Powerball and Mega Millions jackpots at unusual highs ($730 million and $850 million, respectively, as of this writing), we wanted to know: what kind of pro-life work would you do if you won the lottery? Here are a few of your ideas.

Reming M.—Start a secular pregnancy center and/or shelter for families. Then throw money at all the whole life/secular/pro-life organizations I like. I'd be like Oprah, "you get a million dollars, you get a million dollars, everyone gets a million dollars!"

Ginnie P.—I already am making plans and preparations for a mobile midwifery clinic. I'd have a whole clinic van fleet staffed!

Samantha T.—Start a foundation to help with basic living expenses for single mothers so they don't have to stay with abusers or family members who may try to force them to abort or to just help them get on their feet. And also fund scholarships so they can go to college or trade school.

Herb G.—Create and fund a pregnant person's bail fund. 

Kristin M.—I've thought about this a lot. I would buy myself a house, give myself a salary to hold me for the rest of my life and put that away in savings, and then literally spend the rest on the non-stereotypical pro-life non-profit organizations such as Secular Pro-Life while seeing if I can volunteer more in my free time too.

Adam P.—I would buy all the billboard space in and around the top 30 most populous cities in America for a year and advertise for local pregnancy centers and pro-life groups, or just general pro-life messages.

Sophie T.—Pay for a chain of pro-life, nonreligious maternity homes and shelters for women and children fleeing domestic violence. Fund pro-life/CLE orgs that I like. I'd also like to pay for a storytelling project for women who were coerced into abortions, because I feel like it happens more frequently than most people think, with factors like financial support and emotional manipulation. I'd also like to do what Let Them Live does: meet the immediate physical or financial needs of pregnant women so the pressure eases.

Gabriella B.—I would create a company focusing specifically on changing the culture. It would produce movies, TV shows, documentaries, music, publish novels, make clothes, make food, and even commission art work that promoted the pro-life message in some way.

And finally, in a case of great minds thinking alike...

Jessica B.—I would start an alternative to Planned Parenthood that offers all the things except abortion; would try to partner with existing places that are close to the same if possible to lower overhead.

Laura P.—Start Unplanned Parenthood ® where we do everything that PP does (and more) sans abortion. I mean, UP does sound a lot better than PP anyway.

It's clear that an amazing amount of good would come from a pro-life winner. Best of luck!

P.S.—Secular Pro-Life does not take a position on the morality or wisdom of state-run lotteries; we were just being topical. If you struggle with compulsive gambling, we encourage you to seek help.

P.P.S.—We asked a similar question in October 2018, when the jackpot was over a billion dollars. Our social media following has grown a lot in the past two years! Here's what folks had to say back then. 

We Asked, You Answered: Learning from Defeat

Sadly, Colorado's Proposition 115—which would have finally prohibited medically unnecessary late-term abortions (five months or later) in the state—did not pass. Although Election Day did have some bright spots, like the passage of Louisiana's Love Life Amendment and the election of numerous pro-life women to Congress, the inability to pass even the barest protection for babies in the Centennial State is extremely discouraging. We wrote on Facebook:

For those of you who live in Colorado, give us your thoughts on why Prop 115 failed and what pro-lifers should do for the next round to have more success. This defeat is very frustrating and sad, but we are in this work for life, so let's review and prepare for the next fight.

Here are a few of the many responses, and it didn't take long for a theme to emerge:

Hope R.: I saw no ads in support of prop 115 that I can recall. And the ads against it were full of misinformation. I saw several ads claiming "it's an intentionally confusing proposition" and so called doctors claiming "it will restrict my ability to provide care to save the mother’s life." Lies were shoved in our faces and very little was said about the truth. 

Amy B.: Straight up there was NO money spent on it! I only saw two yard signs, no TV ads, no print ads. Nothing. People decided they'd rather throw money at candidates (some of whom are objectively terrible people) than at making actual substantive progress on abortion restrictions. I think if I'd heard actual facts from the pro-life side of the ballot issue it might have been different but all I heard was straight up crickets! Deafening silence from the ballot measure supporters. (And I run in pro-life circles and live in a conservative area of the state, so if I heard/saw nothing you can guess that most others got even less).

Keri K.: Big abortion money, completely lied on commercials about the bill, said Yes on 115 would not help those with medical issues, rape, ban all abortions essentially. Yes on 115 did not have any TV presences to combat this messaging

Hope R.: I saw no ads in support of prop 115 that I can recall. And the ads against it were full of misinformation. I saw several ads claiming "it's an intentionally confusing proposition" and so called doctors claiming "it will restrict my ability to provide care to save the mother’s life." Lies were shoved in our faces and very little was said about the truth.

Julie M.: I only just moved to CO, but from NY. (Please don't hate on me I married into the state, lol.) I wasn't following any polls but expected it to fail and was surprised at how well it did. I saw only ads against it, and they got "better" (more persuasive) with time, whereas I only heard of vote yes through word of mouth and a sign waver or two. The pro-life movement here needs to reach beyond its solid base and explain the brutality so that in a state getting darker blue, people still vote their conscience and not their party on abortion. Public opinion is on our side, but pro-life strategy needs a lot of work.

Ellen C.: Honestly, there wasn't a good ground game past getting it on the ballot (and even that was shaky), and the abortion lobby was FLOODING the field with their propaganda.

Jesse B.: No one is going to want to hear this, but here goes nothing. Prop 115 failed, because people are tired of pro-lifers actually just being pro-birth. You want prop 115 to pass (which I voted yes on, so calm yourselves), but many of you stay on one side of the aisle for all other issues. Maybe if we could show people that we care about babies inside the womb, outside the womb, the babies who need WIC, and the babies who grow up to need college assistance by no fault of their own, our voices would be louder. Try voting away from party lines, and I guarantee you will bring many more people to the table to hear you out on abortion.

Sarah N.: Pro aborts lie through their teeth to convince people that these laws will criminalize miscarriage. Also Colorado has had several personhood amendments that were poorly written and failed miserably. So the left just ties these ballot initiatives together with the personhood. They say stuff like how many times do we have to vote this down. We will reject this again. The uniformed voter is easily swayed by this nonsense. On top of that most people have no idea what abortion is much less late term abortion.

Jay G.: I don't know that it was made clear that Colorado is an outlier here. We're one of a small handful of states that permit abortions so late. And comparing to other world democracies, most European countries permit most early abortions and prohibit most late abortions. I think too many people assumed "any restriction on abortion is a radical proposal," without comparing to other standards.

Megan H.: People need to be educated on the fact that no medical condition is treated by abortion. Most people I’ve talked to about it, including my pre-med niece who lives in Boulder, are under the impression that late term abortion is used as treatment for medical conditions.

Samantha L.: A lot of people seem to think the majority of these abortions are fetal anomalies. That's what I heard in my circles. We need to address that piece. Did I also see that the opposition completely over spent us?

[Photo credit: Wikipedia image of Colorado State Capitol, Creative Commons license]

 

We Asked, You Answered: Navigating Abortion Discussions in the Workplace

We posed this scenario to our Facebook followers:

Scene: You're at work. Coworker A starts casually repeating pro-choice talking points to Coworker B, clearly in earshot of you and several other coworkers. Coworker B agrees politely, though doesn't seem particularly invested in the conversation. They commiserate on their general dislike of pro-lifers and their perceptions of the weaknesses in pro-life arguments. None of the other coworkers participate. How, if it all, do you respond? And why would you respond the way you do?

Here are a few of our favorite responses.

Michael W.: "Would you be surprised to learn I'm pro-life?" They usually are. Then they tell you about their misconceptions of pro-lifers (how they're "not like you") and you can politely shoot them down one by one.

Patty J.: I am the only pro-lifer at my workplace. Some co-workers are more open-minded than others. This issue (and many other leftist political issues) come up a lot. I pick and choose my battles and consider how these battles will impact the work environment. Luckily I am respected professionally so my differing views don't lead to harassment.

Sophie T.: I've never existed in the same universe as shy, so I'd approach them and out myself as pro-life. I'd then try to engage them, but especially Coworker B, in conversation about what being pro-life really means to me and debunk some of the stereotypes. It's hard to hate and fear people if you actually know them, if they're names, faces, and personalities instead of just an ideology. Just like the pro-choicers always say you probably know someone who has had an abortion, everyone knows somebody who's pro-life.

Nat K.: I've been in these shoes. I simply said "I believe life begins at conception and the government's primary job is to protect life. In order to change my mind, you have to draw a hard line between conception and death where life actually begins." Nobody ever has.

Sarah F.: This actually happened once, in a setting where getting into a big argument would have been a huge problem. I didn't say anything because I was afraid that once I got started I would actually start screaming at them (I was pregnant at the time, and they knew it).

No Termination Without Representation: I would close my eyes and meditate till I felt ready for a calm and powerful response.

Melissa M.: Depends greatly on the dynamics and personalities involved in the scenario. A lot of the time I hear people talking about abortion in public, they're feeling troll-y and angling for a spat. Not a great use of time and energy to chase that rabbit.

Rachel S.: "I'm pro-life!" Most are too passive to actually take up debate with you, especially at work. If they do, the easiest way to address any untrue/feeble opinions about a group of people is to say, "but I fit under that ideology, and I don't think that. This is what I, and friends like me actually think," and continue from there.

Nicole C.: I'd probably point out that this kind of conversation is NOT work appropriate. I'd mention that I am pro-life and would gladly have a conversation OUTSIDE work sometime if they wanna go over pro-life arguments but NOT at work.

Lauren M.: Sometimes I don't outright speak against, I'll engage in a conversation based on common ground issues, or I'll say I consider myself a "pro-life feminist", or something along those lines, which often brings on intrigue rather than disdain. It kinda depends on the vibe, however I will almost always respond in some way and ultimately bring it back to women deserve the world to wholly embrace our biology rather than convince us to follow male biological standards ingrained in society. Also, focusing on contraception is a big common ground!

Nicole P.: I'd let it slip at some point that I volunteer at a pregnancy center while at work one day. Then I'd mention all the amazing pro life things the center does.

[Photo credit: Brooke Cagle on Unsplash]

We Asked, You Answered: Practical Ways to Support Foster and Adoptive Families

We asked our Facebook followers: "What are the best ways people can support foster or adoptive families? If you have experience in these areas let us know what you think." Here are few of our favorite responses. 

Karah E.: As someone who was both adopted and placed a baby for adoption I would beg people to refrain from using the word "real" in front of the word "parent." Biological/birth parents are no more or less "real" than adoptive/forever parents.

Bekah F.: Get certified/approved with your county's foster system to provide respite care for the occasional nights/weekends! In so many states, foster parents can't just hire a babysitter or leave the kids with family for a break and it is so, so needed.

Aimee J.: When we adopted a baby a friend of ours donated her extra breast milk. It was so sweet and helpful! People also brought us meals and have offered to clean and babysit.

Pamela M.: In addition to all the suggestions of helping/supporting/loving on foster and adoptive parents let's not forget the child welfare workers and the agencies that serve these children and families. Ask what they need: toys for visitation rooms, new socks and underwear for kids who enter care with very little to nothing, handmade blankets/quilts and/or a new stuffed animal to be given to children when they come into care, a "car" kit for kids to busy with during transportation to and from parental visits (books, coloring books, crayons, card games, etc.). Ask an agency if you could treat their staff by providing a lunch once a month or quarter, or at the holidays, etc.

Sarah C.: I haven't read all the comments because . . . wow! There are a ton. But for me, the biggest thing is this: believe the parents when they say how hard it is and don't give them trite parenting advice. Second to this: educate yourself about attachment disorders.

Heather B.: Be intentional (positive) with your words, and know proper terminology. Support fundraisers by sharing, donating, etc., or at the very least by NOT discouraging it. Bringing a child into a home is stressful, help with meals and cleaning is greatly appreciated. Don't expect visiting time with the parent (although they may want you to stay). With newborn adoptions, it's recommended that only the parents tend to baby, so help with EVERYTHING else is preferred.

Crystal K.: Don’t be afraid of our kids! Have your kids be friends with ours and offer to babysit.

Beth F.: Stop treating [adoption] like it is only for people who can't get pregnant on their own. Acknowledge that any adoption story involves some degree of loss, but stop treating like a tragedy to be avoided. Celebrate families who choose adoption and recognize it as a valid choice regardless of fertility status.

Pamela M.: Another really simple thing that I didn't see mentioned in a quick glance is for families to diversify their own children's bookshelves with stories that include foster care and/or adoption themes. Normalizing the concepts foster care and adoption through children's stories featuring children and even animals can help your children understand that families can be made in lots of different ways and that some families are for now and others are forever.

Becky M.: All of these suggestions are great. Respite care, help with meals and cleaning, use positive adoption language, offer to take any other/older kids out for a bit so mom and dad can have more one-on-one time with the new one(s). Also, give us grace. Some of our kids come with trauma based behaviors, so please don’t judge how we parent.

[Photo credit: Jude Beck on Unsplash]

We Asked, You Answered: Your Pro-Life Platform

A person stands in front of the Supreme Court with a sign that reads "We are all humans / Todos somos humanos." Image credit: Maria Oswalt on Unsplash

We posed the question on our Facebook page: "If you could design a pro-life platform, what principles & policies would it include?" Here is just a sampling of the 200 comments we received: 

April J.: (1) Better paid and more generous parental leave. (2) Cheaper, less bureaucratic adoption process. (3) Incentives to colleges/universities/trade schools that have daycare and/or on campus living accommodations for moms/parents in school.

John D.: Ending innocent defenseless human lives is wrong. This should be taught unambiguously in all public schools as well as those that receive any federal funds.

Multiple commenters: The platform of the American Solidarity Party.

David J.: Constitutional amendment protecting life in the womb.

Amy K.: Wow, where to start?? Classes on embryology, education and access to birth control, easier access to sterilization, support for mothers and their entire families during and after pregnancy, resources for nutrition, insurance, legal, housing needs, job training, continuing education, more aggressive child support enforcement.... I'm sure there's a lot more and each of these has plenty of subcategories of course!

Manisha D.: Disability rights!!

JoAnn S.: Federal deposits into Social Security accounts for anyone staying out of the labor market on order to care for one or more children. Raising the next generation is beneficial to all even those without children. Children are not equivalent to pets. They are not optional to a society. Someone's kid is going to dig our graves.

Austin S.: Not killing babies. The matter's so simple to me. I don't believe it's ever okay to murder an innocent human. I believe doctors should always try to save every life possible. That’s their job—to help people. Currently they do a terrible job at that. We should value life. That’s the most fundamental, basic start towards decent society.

Jordan W.: I'm actually most interested in the core values of the movement. We’ve been lacking the clear core values needed to win. Here are just a few suggestions. (1) The ONLY thing necessary for membership in the pro-life movement is the belief that abortion is the unjustified killing of human beings and a commitment to save babies from abortion. No one can be excluded based on politics, religion, race, gender, or any other trait. (2) Principles over personalities. We must always put the mission over any person’s personal agendas, fame, or self interest. (3) Non-violence. We must be committed to non-violence as the way to end abortion. Anyone in the pro-life movement must be 100% committed to non-violence both as the reason to end abortion and the means to end abortion. (4) Pro-life means ending abortion. We can't have add on agendas such as "ending abortion AND electing our favorite politicians”, “ending abortion AND converting people to my Christian denomination," or "ending abortion AND converting people to Catholic doctrine on contraception." There is plenty of time outside the pro-life movement for other agendas. When we are engaged in pro-life activities we are solely focused on the mission. No additional missions. These are just a few of my suggestions for core values.

Pamela M.: At a quick glance I didn't see anything about perinatal and pediatric palliative care and hospice programs. Proper funding for medical childcare/daycare options, Early Intervention, Special Education, respite, in home nursing for the most medically fragile, adult day programs and vocational opportunities for individuals with disabilities, group/supportive living as well as residential care (when that is the best option for the individual), etc. As a mother of a child with severe disabilities due to being born with a rare life-limiting genetic diseases that is typically fatal in childhood we are more aware than most that many children who are aborted are terminated due to a prenatal diagnosis.

We Asked, You Answered: Systemic Factors Driving Abortion

We recently posted on the Secular Pro-Life facebook page: 

An author working on a book about political engagement asked: "Conservatives I speak with often blame the federal government for a lot of social problems, while liberals tend to blame capitalism. Viewing the issue of abortion from a systemic standpoint, what are the institutional sources of this problem?"

After telling him that volumes could be written on that question and giving him an academic lead, I answered: "Blaming the federal government or capitalism is too simplistic; we've long lived with both, and yet abortion rates have varied tremendously over the years. We know that the most common reasons women give for seeking abortions are financial—and pro-life organizations do a lot to try to ease those financial burdens, which often saves lives—but that can't be the whole story either, beause children outside the womb are expensive too, and yet low-income mothers don't kill their older children a million times a year. It's complicated. Government refusal to recognize prenatal rights, corporate failure to provide adequate family leave, poverty, lack of health insurance, cultural acceptance of dehumanization (i.e. "clump of cells"), social shaming of pregnancy in teens and unmarried people, fear mongering about disabilities, foregoing or misusing contraception, predatory men abandoning their responsibilities... all these factors and many others play a role."

What additional factors can you think of? And if you could change just ONE thing to prevent abortions, what would it be?

An excellent conversation ensued. In no particular order, here are a few comments that caught our eye.

Krystal W.: I think the culture around pregnancy needs the most change. Stop telling women and men that they can't do things when they have children. Every time they say that, I think of someone I know who did those exact things. Can't go to school and be pregnant, can't get a good job, can't have a social life, can't be happy, can't retire, can't afford it (because yes kids can be pricey but guess what poor people have always had the most children and it works out), etc.

Leette E.: EDUCATION. Our continued failure to provide all children with comprehensive sex education which should include embryology and prenatal development is a huge part of the reason abortion is still an issue.

Victoria R.: More 👏🏻Paid👏🏻Parental leave👏🏻 At his first job my husband didn’t even really get any sort of family leave at all. Now he gets 16 weeks paid! Definitely looking forward to that aspect of baby #2 waaaayyyyy more

Crystal K.: I would change the way that society views women's bodies. Pregnancy is not a disease that the woman needs rescued from, nor are babies tumors that need removal. Pregnancy, in fact, is an indicator that women's bodies are doing exactly what they were designed to do. Men are NOT the ultimate standard to aspire to physically, and we shouldn't have to change our physiology to match theirs to be accepted in society.

David J.: The one and only thing would be a Constitutional amendment protecting life in the womb. The only factor that ended slavery forever was the 13th amendment. The only thing which will end abortion forever is a Constitutional amendment.

Abigail H.: Stop viewing human beings as objects. Women aren’t objects for pleasure. Babies aren’t clumps of cells in the womb. We, as individuals, are not cogs in the machine. When we truly respect the dignity inherent in human life, we may be able to move past viewing human bodies as commodities.

Katie G.: The fact that government officials vote to give Planned Parenthood more money and that Planned Parenthood pays for their political campaigns is a huge, unaddressed conflict of interest.

Chrysten C.: Birthing a child in a hospital should cost less than an abortion. Unfortunately, when one is financially struggling, that comparison between a few hundred and thousands is a practical deterrent.

Elizabeth B.: White male business leaders say that women need legal abortion to achieve economic parity. This is only true because they disproportionately control the business world and they do not want their employees to have maternity leave, time off to care for sick children, flexible work schedules, etc. And to the extent they can minimize women taking maternity leave, they can also justify the lack of paternity leave policies. These a**hats see children only as impediments to profits.

Mark K.: I know it sounds old school, but teach young men how to be responsible!

Photo credit: Maria Oswalt on Unsplash

We Asked, You Answered: Conversations with Pro-Choice Friends

We asked our social media followers: "Are you close to pro-choice people? Do you talk about abortion with them? If so, how does it go?" We were flooded with responses. Here's a sampling.

Colleen A.: A few. We don't tend to get into a lot of direct discussion about it. But where I've had most success is when they go on a rant with horrible stereotypes of pro-lifers, and I just speak up and say, "You know ME, and I'm pro-life. You know I'm not like that. So why would you say things like this?" Sometimes the best I get is "The pro-life movement needs more people like you," which is at least the start of a win.

Linda K.: Most everyone in what I would call my larger circle identify as pro-choice. I have a small circle of people I trust, and we share privately. We talk about how we can make this world kinder to mothers and babies. As a woman born with a disability, I share my thoughts on how choice and eugenics intersect. I have had some civil and generative conversations with pro-choice friends.

Katherine A.: I am close with pro-choice people, but we don't talk about it because they refuse to believe the CDC statistics about why women get abortions and insist that no woman ever has an abortion for financial reasons or because her partner or family are pressuring her or even the number of elective abortions that occur. It's hard to have a conversation when people refuse to accept health care data from reputable sources.

Above: Students dialogue about abortion.
Via this post.

Jack V.: I’m pretty far left on everything but abortion and guns and as such most of my close friends are far left too. Typically it just turns to me pointing out the hypocrisy of our side being the bleeding hearts yet they won’t care for the unborn. And of course they reply with the it's not a baby bullshit and we never really get anywhere. I've almost convinced two of them though; hopefully I get there one day.

Carmen P.: Tell you the truth, I don't have many friends that are pro-choice because it's such a huge divide. I feel that their paradigm is completely different than mine.

Leette E.: I am. Several of my family members are strongly pro-choice and I find that typically they don't want to engage with people who have opposing views myself included. Usually this is because they don't want to be confronted with the horrible truth of abortion and know they can't get away with the typical "misogyny! Woman hating! Anti-choice!" arguments that they would with people they don't know. It's easy to fling insults at someone you don't love. So we don't talk about it as often as I'd like.

Katherine J.: [My conversations are] often better than expected. Often the stumbling block is how a child so small and undeveloped could be considered alive. Other stumbling blocks are the mother's unchosen suffering (especially in cases of rape) and the fear of being considered to be forcing their beliefs on others.

Candace R.: We talk occasionally. Minds aren't changed, but we all are very caring people who want good things for mothers and babies. I try to focus my energy on fixing the causes of abortion instead of abortion laws.

Caren G.: I don't bring it up. A couple of close coworker friends assumed because I am rather feminist and progressive that I am also pro-choice. They were talking about some pro choice movie they loved. I recommend they watch Unplanned. I can't remember exactly how it came out that I am pro-life... but I did flat out say it. I said "I'm pro all life." I love and respect all life... animals, the planet and especially humans. I said that if I have a chicken who has started sitting on eggs then abandons some — I try everything I can to incubate and save them... because even their little unhatched chicken lives matter to me. So much more the human baby ones. They said... "well at least you're consistent" and were very nice about it spite of their strong views.

Jazminn J.: Most of my friends are pro-choice but unfortunately many of them including family just think I'm the most hateful person ever even if I don’t talk about it. It’s always a huge thing if I make ONE pro-life post.

Carissa E.: I get tired of the same old "digs" at pro-lifers from my so-called "progressive" friends. They say we don't care about black lives, immigrants, women, science, etc... We care about giving zygotes more rights than living human beings. So annoying. I usually just politely suggest they look at this group or New Wave Feminists to see all the good pro-life people do and what we actually believe, which is that all life matters, from womb to tomb.

Eden M.: I'm in Canada where the pro-choice position is an extremely strong cultural default, so you’re bound to end up close to pro-choice people wherever you go. Most of the pro-choice friends I talk to are respectful and thoughtful (otherwise we wouldn’t be friends!). Same with pro-choice family. We even agree on most of the relevant facts surrounding abortion, including the fact that ZEFs are human organisms. The difference is that I believe that fact has moral weight and should affect our treatment of sex and pregnancy, and they do not. I have never heard a pro-choice friend address that fact in a way I found adequate, other than to wave it off. As in "Yes, technically a ZEF is a human, but…" in the same way you would say, "Yes, technically a tomato is not a vegetable, but…" There are other differences, but I find they trickle down from this big one.

Morgan S.: It goes how it has always gone, for 35+ years now: they write me off as an "extremist," they don't want to hear what I have to say. I consider myself a rational, science-based, pro-life feminist (NO contradiction in this for me) who sees abortion as a symptom of overt social injustice, but they just dismiss me. That's why I tend to talk about other topics at this point; I am bone-tired.

Katie S.: So many very loved friends and family. I talk to some more often than others, it goes better with those I talk to more often about it, and I get a lot more support for the pro-life work I do from the ones I talk to most about it, and that is both surprising and appreciated.

Kristina A.: I'm literally the only one in my entire close circle of family and friends (well, spare one or two). If I had a dollar for every time I heard that pro-life people are crazy or stupid "but not you Kris..." I'd be rich.

We Asked, You Answered: Would You Partner with Pro-Choice Moderates?

We recently asked our followers on social media: "If an organization opposed abortion after 21 weeks but supported earlier abortions, would you be willing to work with them publicly to outlaw the later abortions? Why or why not?" (The question was purely hypothetical; to the best of our knowledge, no such organization exists.) A lively, civil discussion ensued. In no particular order, here are a few of the top responses:

Mikalea B.: Yes, basically. Politics is like public transportation. If there isn't a bus going directly to where you want to be, you take the one going the closest...

Rachel M.: No. What’s the difference between killing a 6 week old child and a 22 week old child? None. A younger human is not less valuable or less worth saving than an older human.

Chris S.: Tough call. I would feel bad aligning with such an organization since they fundamentally differ in the most important way. Also only around 2% of abortions happen after 20 weeks. But of course it would be good to save even those few lives.

Ultrasounds of a 20-week-old baby

Rafael G.: I’d be more inclined to ask them why they would support the choice to have an abortion at 20 weeks, 23 hours, and 59 seconds, but not one second after.

Tess S.: If we had to trade giving up attempts to restrict earlier abortion in order to work with them to restrict later abortion, then no. If there was no expectation for a trade off then yes.

Devonie B.: No. I'm not willing to compromise on the fact that abortion kills a unique human being at whatever stage it occurs. Also, if their 20 week cut off is based on pain perception, more recent research suggests that its possible to feel pain at around 13 weeks.

Lisa R.: Yes for sure. No qualms. However when I’ve talked with pro-choice friends about this, they are playing defense. They say "I'll agree to banning late term abortions if you’ll agree to allow and stop fighting to end earlier abortions." So we agree late term abortions are bad, but they don’t want to work with me to ban them because they perceive it as giving me something I want and getting nothing in return from me.

sweetwonderbear: Only if there was no better option. Drawing the line anywhere other than conception is still based on their own personal feelings rather than science. It’s better than nothing but we should instead be supporting organizations that aim to educate people and outlaw abortions as close as we can get to conception.

Rebecca D.: I personally would. Especially because so many people in my life are pro-choice, I strive to find common ground wherever I can. This is true when this position is reflective of what the American public thinks on abortion, which I think is helpful for pointing out on the abortion issue in this country; people might be more easy to convince if they’re on the fence about late-term abortions if they understand how most people feel on the issue. When the United States has some of the most relaxed abortion laws in the entire world, this is absolutely a necessary initial step when it comes to our laws.

Michael S.: I wouldn't work with them, because I wouldn't want to be interpreted in any way as condoning abortion during any stage. By working with them, anyone can come back at you later and say "but you worked with an organization that supported legalized abortion during part of the pregnancy".

Kyle T.: Working with an organization isn’t equivalent to supporting it. I wouldn’t be averse to working with any organization actively campaigning for some legislation akin to the Born-Alive Abortion Survivors Protection Act or a late-term abortion ban. Of course, this would be while simultaneously working with other organizations like the National Pro-Life Alliance on legislation like the Life at Conception Act which bans all abortions with no exceptions. There wouldn’t be any public doubt as to my own position, and yet I’d be doing all I can in regards to coalition-building to get any legislation that saves any lives passed. Incremental legislation is only problematic if we forget to focus our energies on non-incremental legislation like the Life at Conception Act. But if we work on such legislation simultaneously, we are keeping both goods of working to save any lives possible and working to establish the right to life for all embryonic and fetal people.

Ryan N.: Yes. While all abortions should be outlawed, if progress can be made to outlaw abortion and save lives (even if they may be few) it should be pursued. The lives of the preborn lost by abortion should outweigh any animosity held against those who may think differently than us.

Shae-Lynn K.: I would, simply because it is a start. That’s usually how you should begin with addressing the pro-life movement with those who are pro-choice. Reasoning with them on late term abortions makes it easier for them to eventually see all abortions as wrong. Just my experience.

Keena Y.: Yes. But I would also continue to work with groups that ban abortion after the first trimester. And groups that want heartbeat laws. And groups that want the practice outlawed entirely. Let’s save some babies even if we can’t save all the babies.

We asked, you answered: How has the pandemic impacted your abortion views?

We asked our followers on social media: "While we all try to manage life during a pandemic, do you find you're thinking less about the abortion issue? Too many distractions? Or are you thinking about it more since so many more people are now navigating increased financial stress and other issues?" In no particular order, here are some of your responses.

A woman sidewalk counsels while
wearing a mask.
Photo via Pro-Life San Francisco

Heather J.: As a resident of Texas, I’m thinking a lot about it. Our governor has shut down abortion clinics to conserve PPE for COVID-19 patients. That has created an increased need for pro-life organizations to step up and help these women. Lives are being saved!

Rebecca C.: To be perfectly honest, I’ve been thinking about it less. 😕

Denisse B.: More, waaaaay more

Pablo M.: The same. Pro-choicers here in Argentina have made a commitment that abortion shall be legalized this year, and they will abide by it, no matter what happens with the epidemic.

Rachel S.: I'm still thinking about abortion often but in the context of a comprehensive ethic of human life and dignity. I also feel sad and angry when I hear some people who call themselves pro-life making economically driven utilitarian arguments about deaths related to COVID-19.

Grace P.: I have to admit, less. Right now what I'm worried about is keeping me and my family healthy and safe. I think when "shit hits the fan," as they say, everything else but that falls away for a lot of people, like myself. That being said, it does anger and concern me that our rights to assembly are being taken away. For instance, those pro-lifers getting arrested for praying outside of a clinic recently even though they were observing and practicing social distancing was outrageous. We have to stand up, virus or no, if this kind of thing continues.

Alyson C.: I am thinking about it a lot. I think Planned Parenthood is being exposed for what it is: a company that only cares about making $ off of the killing of children. I also think women are seeing that there is help for them when they are in unplanned pregnancy crisis, and that they don’t have to kill their baby—there are other options. I know a lot of crisis pregnancy centers, and pro-life groups, that are being overwhelmed with women coming to them for help right now... and people are stepping up financially, and in other means, to help them.

Little Grey Fish: Not very honorable but I find myself avoiding it because I'm so stressed and anxious I can't mentally handle thinking about the murder of babies.

Charmain B.: I’ve been taking walks and there’s a private abortion clinic in an office complex near my house. I’ve seen people out there protesting. They are the ones whose signs have photos of aborted babies on them. They have signs saying this isn’t a way to parent. It’s all condemning; there’s no hope of—we’ll find ways to help you raise your baby or we’ll help you find someone to adopt.
As someone who had an unplanned pregnancy years ago, I want to ask those people how are they helping these women? Are they offering aid to them or just condemning them? I’ve been trying to figure out what to say and wondering if my words would even make a dent.

Kim H.: What is clear to me is that individuals are sacrificing bodily autonomy with social distancing for a limited amount of time to save lives in our communities. The pro-choice argument, as professed by the likes of NARAL or PP or NOW is so very libertarian because there is not a willingness to give up autonomy for another however many months of a pregnancy to protect and save the life of a human being. Of course, there are many nuances regarding support for women and financial stability and the list goes on... I am not discounting those issues in the least.but at the very bottom line, I find it so ironic that we are giving away our autonomy so willingly (and I am one of those people) to social distance, but see a very similar situation of time limited sacrifice of one's autonomy to bring a child into the outside world.

Kristin M.: I'm worried the economic depression is going to cause more abortions.

We asked, you answered: Wishing you hadn't had the "choice"

We recently asked our facebook followers for their take on the following question, which had been posed politely and in good faith by a pro-choicer on twitter:

Whenever I hear someone say they became pro-life after an abortion or crisis pregnancy, it seems like they're saying "I wish I didn't have the *choice* to have an abortion." This is a thought I can't really comprehend. Can someone please explain this thought process and what goes into it? Maybe post-abortive pro-lifers aren't actually thinking this, but something else?

Many people who regret their abortions responded. Interestingly, many who chose life also shared how the availability of legal abortion made their situations more difficult. As Feminists for Life of America has aptly put it: "It's your body, it's your choice, it's your problem!"

In no particular order, here are a few of our favorite comments:

Renee F.:  The biggest regret for me was that I didn't know to ask to see the ultrasound screen. They turned it away from me and for some reason, I didn't ask to see it. Maybe because I was so deliriously sick from HG that I could barely keep my eyes open. (My mother wouldn’t take me to the hospital for it because she wanted the abortion.) Being a mother now, and seeing my first ultrasound with my baby I have now, I know I wouldn’t have gone through with it if I had that opportunity. Also, the emotional toll it takes on you. It’s been 6 years since mine and I still think about it every day and regret it every day. I very much wish it wasn't an available option for myself or anyone.

Nikki H.: If the "choice" didn't exist, I probably would have told my parents sooner, because I'd have known they would have to find out eventually. That part would have been out of the way, and I could have enjoyed my pregnancy, instead of trying to hide it for the first four months. I also wouldn't have to live with the knowledge that I almost killed my son. Yes, I DO wish I hadn't had a "choice."

Lori B.: I definitely wish I did not have the choice! When I found out I was pregnant I immediately wanted to keep my baby. I had no idea my high school sweetheart would react the way he did and would leave me if I had the baby... then my previously "pro-life" parents scolded me for getting pregnant before marriage and pretty much pushed me to have an abortion (I was still a teen living at home and they said "You're on your own if you keep a baby"). Then the doctor told us my baby was "Not a baby... just tissue." Back in the 80's I had no idea HE WAS LYING and just saying what my parents wanted to hear! I BELIEVE HAD ABORTION BEEN ILLEGAL, my parents would not have pushed me to get one and I would have my child!

Julia S.: I regrettably had two abortions. My mother forced me to have my first one in 1976. So yes, I profoundly regret that the option was available then. I chose to have my second abortion, but ONLY because by then, a year and a half later, I was so completely numb due to coping with the first abortion through copious amounts of drugs and alcohol, I didn't even care anymore. But I knew I was killing my first child. I was crushed but powerless to do anything different. And I was just dead inside by the time I had my second one. I most definitely regret it was even an option!! I'm glad you asked.

Darci P.: I was pregnant while in high school with my now 12-year-old. If it wasn’t a choice, I wouldn't have had to defend my choice to keep my daughter. I wouldn’t have been told that my life was over or been given a lot of unsolicited advice... I would likely have been given encouragement and felt empowered to take on the world.

Anonymous (via private message): I am post-abortive and pro-life. I wasn't given a choice by my parents as a teen. I was kicked out of the house when my dad found out I was pregnant because he didn't want a "whore" living in his house. I was taken to stay with family and told I couldn't go home until I had the abortion and I was told I could not stay with the family for very long. I would be a bad influence to younger siblings and cousins being a pregnant teen. I hate the phrase "pro-choice." Like me, many other teens (and adult women!) are not given a choice and are coerced and pressured into abortion.

Becky M.: If it hadn't been an option, I wouldn't have even considered it. I believed the lie that women can't achieve their goals if they have children, especially as a single teenage mom. I thought I'd be doomed to poverty, struggle, and failure forever. My family held an intervention (still the most awkward, uncomfortable experience of my life, but in hindsight I'm incredibly grateful for) and I didn't go through with it. It took 10 years for me to finally admit that I almost killed my son and become strongly pro-life. But I realized it wasn't just my child's life that was saved—it was also mine. Saved from a lifetime of despair and regret. If I can prevent other women from experiencing that, I will. (And, by the way, I still accomplished my goal of earning my bachelors degree and becoming a teacher. My firstborn is now a Marine, and I’ve committed myself to living a pro-life life by adopting, sponsoring, donating, and advocating.)

Bonnie T.: I wish I didn’t have the "choice" to have an abortion, because I never wanted one. Then my mother wouldn’t have had the option of forcing me to get one or be kicked out on the street at 16. Then there would have been access to more help to parent my child as I wanted to. Then my doctor and the therapist my mother hired to coerce me into it wouldn’t have had the option to refer her to a serial killer who gladly performed the abortion against my will.

Ellie M.: When you put tempting choices before people who are vulnerable, YES they will want that choice taken away. People on diets want certain foods removed from easy access and choices all the time. They take soda machines out of schools. This isn't a complicated concept.

Your Kinship Caregiving Stories

Last week's article on kinship caregiving prompted a fantastic discussion on facebook, and many readers shared their personal experiences. In no particular order, here are a few of our favorites.

Cecilia B.: My family is an example of kinship care. I have temporary custody of my grandson because my daughter was unable to care for him. Of course it took me a few years to get that temporary custody even though he has lived with me since birth because we could not afford a lawyer. I had to do the research myself and do the paperwork and represent him myself. He is now 14 and he is still in my care. She was going to give him up for adoption to a family friend but when in Florida at the time we had what was called the scarlet letter law. She could not put him up for adoption without the father's approval. The problem is that she didn't know who the father was.

Misty P.: My sister-in-law became a teen mom; abortion was never on the table for her. My husband and I were initially going to adopt her baby, but at the last minute she saw some examples of that going very wrong, and the father was back in the picture, so she decided to try keeping the baby. They also went on to have a second one. Unfortunately that relationship was not very stable, and she has had a lot of trauma to work through. So we are now guardians of her two little ones until she's healed and in a stable enough situation to take over care again. I think it's going well, though it is challenging on several fronts!

Jenn Y.: My "sister" moved in one day when she was 16 from an abusive family foster house and she never left until graduation. She needed us for sure and we had the ability, so we responded.

Nicole T.: Me and my best friend were the products of teen pregnancy. My mom kept me, though most of my raising fell to my grandmother (kinship care). My best friend was adopted at birth. While I agree with some of the issues you have raised here for both the child and the birth mother and think that closed adoption, in particular, induces trauma for both, I assure you that I have the same "abandonment issues" as she did. Plus, the instability of being shuffled back and forth made me feel like my grandmother didn’t really want me either though, ultimately, her goal was to keep the mother-child bond intact. She recently reconnected with her birth mom and both she and her birth mom are happy functional and successful adults now. My mom is still floundering. So, kinship care has its own set of issues and no one answer will be right for anyone.

Annie G.: Polynesian culture embraces this. There is a word, "hānai," for when someone has a baby and isn’t ready to parent, and so allows the baby to be raised by relatives until they get it together. There is absolutely no stigma, and all the kids, "keiki," refer to all adults as "aunti" and "uncle." I LOVED this aspect of living in Hawaii.

Marilyn M.: Years ago I remember that a neighbor took her friend's child for several months as her friend was going through postpartum depression issues and would not even hold the baby. Over the course of 3-4 months, the mother and father visited the baby and the mother gradually began to bond with her baby. Eventually the mother was able to take care of the child more & more and then the child went home to live. My friend had bonded with the baby during this time and it was hard to let her go, but she always hoped her friend would heal and be the mother. I think years ago, families often times did help one another. Now we are all too often apart in actual miles, or emotional connections.

Beth H.: My daughter was pregnant at 17, so we are raising her daughter together. It saddens me that this is not the go-to solution for most families. BTW, all my my pro-choice acquaintances and family members said that I should kick her out. All my pro-life friends and family members offered to help.

Sarah T.: I’ve seen two foster family situations happen in exactly this way, and it’s beautiful. And the children—now back with their mothers—have two families that love and value them.


Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash. Image description: Black-and-white photograph of an infant being bottle-fed. The faces of the baby and caregiver are obscured. 

We asked, you answered: What are the top facts you wish people understood about either foster care or adoption?

We asked our followers what they wish people understood about adoption and foster care and got some insightful answers:

On differences between adoption and foster care:

Honestly, just getting across the fact that they aren't the same thing would be a step in the right direction. - Michael B.

They aren't the same thing and aren't meant to be. - Jamie J.

Foster care is not there for adoption and adoption is a long, expensive process with a waiting list. When putting a baby up for adoption the mother picks the family while she is still pregnant. You can't just walk into a foster home and be like "I want to adopt that child." They would tell you no because they are working to get that child back to their family. Foster care and adoption are not the same thing. - Desere O.

I would say that giving up a baby for adoption does not mean foster care. It means a private adoption agency, and everything is taken care of. One can choose to pick the parents or not, and one can choose to have an open adoption or not. I think most pregnant women fear that the child will go to foster care. - Shannon F.

If you’re pregnant and don’t want to raise your baby, you can handpick a couple to adopt him or her. He or she is not going into the foster care system. That’s not what it’s designed for. - Jamie L. (foster mother)

There are over 30 couples waiting to adopt for every 1 child that is put up for adoption. Babies generally do not lack homes and do not go into foster care at birth due to lack of a home. - Carissa J.


On adoption:

Adoption isn't a magic wand. It hurts. Your first reaction when someone is facing a crisis pregnancy shouldn't be to pressure them into adoption any more than it should be to pressure them into abortion. Whatever your intent, pressuring pregnant women to do what you think is best is harmful and unsupportive. - Sarah Y.

Adoption is a lot harder than people think. Honoring the birth parents is the right thing to do for the children as well as the birth parents. You can honor the role the birth parents played even if they weren’t great role models. They gave life to your kids, honor that. - Karis J.

Adoption is not a simple alternative to abortion. Many birth parents were instead torn between parenting and adoption, not adoption or abortion. Stop thanking birth moms for choosing life without knowing their story just because you assume the only other option was abortion. - Amber J.

• Open adoptions are not legally enforceable and have been known to be closed by insecure adoptive parents. [Editor's note: this can vary by state.]
• Adoption causes trauma to the child and mother and extended family (siblings, grandparents, etc) even if the child is placed with the loveliest family.
• You will grieve the loss of your child placed for adoption. 
• There are a lot of organisations that will help you keep your family intact - help you finish school, help you with child care, help with accommodation. Adoption should be the very last resort before all possibilities of parenting the child yourself are explored, because there is much grief in family separation.

This is a good list by Saving Our Sisters - who helps families considering adoption explore all the options and be fully informed of their decision before making the very permanent decision to sign away parental rights to their children: "Facts professionals don't disclose to expectant parents." - Malessa B.

All adoption starts with loss. For the bio parent and for the child. All my kids are adopted so I know this first hand. You have to stop just tossing it around like it's the easiest thing in the world to go through. And if you are an AP or FP [adoptive parent or foster parent] you better be educating yourself on all these issues and more. You owe it to your babies. - Louanne M.

People don’t give away a child. You make a plan for the best life for your kiddo. Sometimes that plan includes other people full time and forever. Open adoption let’s a person be a small part of the plan. No one is disposable. - Jennifer M.


On foster care:

The idea that no one cares about foster kids is a huge misconception. There are people waiting to adopt older kids (not just newborns). Kids in foster care are matched according to their specific needs with adoptive parents. It’s not like when they first come into foster care where their first priority is just finding them a safe place to sleep. A lot of thought goes into ensuring that they get the adoptive match right so that they make sure it’s forever. Kids are waiting, families are waiting, it’s not a simple process. A lot of children in foster care aren’t even legally free for adoption. You don’t just decide to adopt from foster care and pick a kid out of a catalog. - Laura R.

Your politicians taking kids from situations that are objectively better than the foster care system is neither something to be proud of nor justification for killing babies. - Jarland D.

Many children in foster care should not have been taken from their families. Those children suffer as if they had been kidnapped. - Rita G.

Foster kids aren’t in care because they did something wrong. I was shocked that people thought this until we announced we were adopting. I was surprised how often we were asked what was wrong with them. - Emily C.

Like (almost) everything else, the foster care system has many good people with great intentions to love and care for kids. - Karen T.

Being part of a successful family reunification (as a foster parent) is one of the most satisfying things you could ever do. - Lori S.

Birth parents still have legal rights over a child in foster care, so they can’t simply be adopted. - Stephanie R. (This point was echoed by many commenters.)

Foster kids are awaiting the return of family that did not abort and did not give up on them. Typically in treatment or doing time. It’s temporary and they are not up for adoption. - Kelly F.

There aren’t “thousands of abandoned, unwanted and available children” in foster care. The vast majority of children in foster care are there temporarily. One of the major goals of the foster care system is to reunite children with their families. I’m an adoptive mom, in an open adoption. - Louise C.

And lastly...

So many people never mention that they were adopted or spent time in foster care as a child. It just doesn't come up or they don't want to talk about it or might not even know themselves. But pro-choice people talk like no one adopts and no one fosters. As a child my cousin, a neighbor, and then my middle school best friend were adopted. My high school best friend had been in foster. My husband was adopted. These people are everywhere, adoption and fostering touch so many more lives than some people ever notice. - Emilie M.

We Asked, You Answered: New Year's Resolutions

We asked our supporters: What are your pro-life resolutions for 2020? In no particular order, here are a few of our favorite responses.

Susy F.—A new pregnancy center opened last week 20 minutes from my house. I plan to see how I can volunteer with my time. I’ve always donated money when I can, so this is the next step for me.

Andrew M.—My wife and I are starting the adoption process next week. Hopefully we can give a child a home!

Breanne B.—Learn which companies fund Planned Parenthood and find alternatives to them.

Joyce K.—To always speak the truth and not be afraid.

Madison L.—I just filled out a volunteer application for my local pregnancy resource center. My goal for 2020 is to show women that they don't "need" an abortion, share my story with them and let them know they have their community on their side through it all if they choose life.

Timothy K.—To fight for a place at the table for pro-lifers in the Democratic Party. Living in Dan Lipinski's district gives me a chance to do that.

Clare F.—Increase the work of Katie's Way in providing practical assistance to young/disadvantaged single mothers.

Kelley R.—Vote for the most pro-life candidates in every election.

Kendrick V.—I’m hoping to begin training as a Doula and IBCLC so I can offer educational and practical services for free or extremely reduced cost to women who are considering abortion or who are at risk in general. I hope to pair up with local women’s centers and other pro-life organizations to assist with housing, job placements, financial assistance, adoption placement, etc.

Paula L.—To spread the message that love wins, no matter the race, gender, religion, gestational age, etc. Love is where it’s at!

Happy New Year!

We Asked, You Answered: Moderate Pro-Choice Positions

On our facebook page, Monica wrote: "I feel like I've been spending too much time reading the most ridiculous ideas from the pro-choice side. For contrast, tell me what you consider the most understandable or relatable aspects of the pro-choice position." Here are a few of our favorite responses from the Secular Pro-Life community:

Mandi S.: "I think many pro-choice individuals believe in their heart of hearts that their position helps women so we both are coming from a place of wanting to support women. We just see things differently."

Tiffany C.: "I do think there are grey areas. The pro-choicers I have the most respect for are the ones who don't like abortion but believe that it's a necessary evil."

Frank L.: "I have come across a few [pro-choicers] who acknowledge basic biology but claim that the mother's right not to be pregnant is more important than the child's right to live. And while I can't agree with their priorities, their position makes more sense than that of who deny science in this discussion."

Keri R.: "I just want to know when are the laws regarding delinquent child support payers going to become stricter? Takes two to make the problem, but somehow the sperm supplier isn't the one under attack."

Jenna C.: "That it's hypocritical for pro-life people to try and protect the unborn while actively opposing policies that would both prevent pregnancy and support children once they're born. It frustrates me that in part because of the Democratic party's systematic excision of any pro-life candidates, the most conservative people are the ones controlling the legislation and public narrative of the pro-life stance. We really DO need to be supporting comprehensive sex ed, free contraception, and any and all social supports that helps pregnant individuals and their children prosper."

Tanya S.: "Women fought long and hard for the right to be seen as more than mothers, caretakers, and homemakers. And I sympathize greatly with this because I know the pain that the oppressive culture that made women stay home and pop out as many kids as possible caused to generations of women."

Megan L.: "We're both fighting for human rights. They just only see one person whereas I see two."

Clinton W.: "Contrary to what pro-choice people think of pro-life men, I do understand that pregnancies are not easy and they can sometimes be dangerous. That's why I'm so adamant that men step up when they get someone pregnant and be there for her through every step of it. I think it's completely understandable that women don't always want to be pregnant (although many of them do), and if men are there to help them through it, it makes it more bearable."

Keely A.: "Thank you so much for this thread. I am pro-choice and I have spent the past few weeks in a constant state of upset and anxiety. ... I read these comments and I'm heartened. It is so easy to demonize those who don't agree with us. ... My position remains unchanged, but what I see in this group (FINALLY) is a willingness to discuss the nuances that are at play here. AND a willingness to do something that will actually reduce the number of abortions, which is really what it's all about, right? If we have fewer abortions, it means that women have access to the healthcare and support they need to prevent pregnancy in the first place or to take care of themselves and a child should they become pregnant."

We asked, you answered: why did you convert from being pro-choice to pro-life?

Original FB post here. At the time I started organizing these answers, there were about 200 comments.

Many people became pro-life because of their own pregnancy experiences:

Sasja: I was pro choice, and even against the gestation of embryos that showed signs of hereditary diseases or birth defects ... And then I fell in love when I first saw the beating heart of my 12 weeks into development unborn child—at that time nothing more than a blinking lo-res pixel on the ultrasound screen.

Myles: Having our first child and thinking we were going to lose him at one point during the pregnancy. Made it crystal clear.

Cassie: I was raised by a feminist mom to be pro-choice. I believed it was a "blob of tissue" until I was pregnant with my first child. When they handed me all the info on prenatal care and my "growing baby" I was like, "Wait what?" I pretty much changed my mind right then and there though it probably took me 3 or 4 more years to talk about my change of mind with friends and family.

Mandy: Seeing my 12 week old baby miscarriage.

Rachael: Pregnancy changed my mind. I had an unplanned pregnancy and I just felt different after that. It is hard to explain.

Heather: I was rather uncommitted either way, just not a problem I had to consider. Until I miscarried at 5 weeks. That was a life. I felt real loss, real grief. And the pro-abortion side tells me it's just a clump of cells. It wasn't. It mattered. It had meaning. I know that now.

Shayla:

I found myself getting pressured into abortions with both my kids by people in the healthcare and mental health services industry. Later on, I was told that I should have not even had kids if I had an intellectual disability. On top of that, my boyfriend wanted me to abort.

I made two appointments with PP who were actually fair saying I have to really want it. I dreamed my baby was being attacked by a large snake. I had to protect and defend my baby as her mother! That's when I knew I wasn't going through with it.

Things actually worked out for us. Section 8 gave us a home. When things went south with my relationships, there were shelters, I had a legal advocate and counselors, we always had enough food. Later on, we got a new apartment and thrived. Point being things were never as bad as things were painted.

I want to advocate for other women going through this. I want them to know the Truth that someone dies during an abortion and someone could be saved and things can turn out even when things are at their worst when they choose life!

Kathleen:

I think when I was very young I didn’t give it much thought. Then gradually as Roe v. Wade was passed I thought more about it and my understanding of how the baby developed brought me to be pro-life. Lastly becoming a mom cemented it in me. Especially mother of a baby who died at 22/3 weeks gestation.

I still can’t reconcile how people can be sympathetic to that sort of loss and yet still think abortion is okay. Yet I know pro-choice folks who were very appropriate to me at that time and later when I lost three grandbabies. How do they say "I understand your loss is painful" but at the same time say it’s okay to take the life of a baby in the uterus? Is a baby at that stage valuable in one circumstance but not the other?

Rhonda: I was one that said I wouldn’t do it unless there was an extreme abnormality, but then our first pregnancy ended up being a partial molar pregnancy. Our baby died at 15 weeks and I had to deliver him. Watching my husband hold our fully formed baby and confirm his gender at this early stage did it for me. Doctors tried to comfort me with the fact that if he had survived he would have had severe problems. But to me the pain and emptiness I was feeling was worse than anything else I could imagine. It’s been 20 years and I still grieve that loss. And for people to dismiss his humanity cuts right through me.

Whitney: Incredibly, I used to be pro-choice even though I was given up for adoption as a baby. I thought it wasn't my business what other women did with their bodies. Changing my mind was a process. It started with seeing my daughter on an ultrasound. I knew then that I could never have an abortion and that she was a living person. It took years to break down the mental walls, though, before I became fully pro-life.

Phoebe: I was more of like its not my business, but I was not gonna go out and fight for choice either. Then I carried a child, a child I almost lost. I spent a week in a NICU and saw babies smaller than my hand. That was my turning point. A few years later I realized if I was pro-life I also needed to stop supporting the death penalty. That's my evolution.

Lesli: I was because I was ignorant of how babies developed and what the procedure was actually like. Once I became pregnant, learned about fetal development and found out they have a heartbeat so early on my entire outlook on it changed. Then I read about the procedures themselves and became disgusted that I ever supported it.

Alexis: I've had two unplanned pregnancies. One when I was 17. Abortion was thrown around by others around me, but that wasn't an option. I was determined to raise that baby. Unfortunately she didn't survive and her heart stopped at 16 weeks. My second unplanned pregnancy was when I was 21. I JUST started my career as a paramedic and was not in a committed relationship. I had been on birth control since 18. Once again abortion was thrown around by others, and once again I wouldn't hear it. My beautiful daughter is now 8 years old; my husband and I (her father) have two more children together. We chose life with the odds stacked against us, and we are thriving. Not all stories are like mine. All these babies have a purpose and it is not right to kill them. Abortion is legalized genocide.

Karen: I was. I saw my child on ultrasound and realized she was a child. I expected to see a blob, not a baby sucking her thumb, at 20 weeks gestation. I knew then I'd been lied to and was furious.

For others it was their experiences with abortion itself (or abortion providers) that changed their minds:

Valerie: I was raised pro-life, but became pro-choice in adulthood. It wasn’t until the devastation of my own abortion that I realized those pro-lifers really knew what they were talking about.

Autumn: Working in an abortion clinic changed my mind. It took time.

Monique: I was pro-choice just not for me. Then I had an unexpected pregnancy and went to Planned Parenthood to confirm. They pushed me to not tell anyone and have an abortion. The more I resisted, the more aggressive they got. I literally had to run out of the office. She's 7 now, I'm married to her dad, and just thinking about the possibility of not having our little family is crushing. Abortion hurts women and most are coerced into it.

Rachel: My best friend was 17 when she became pregnant. I went with her for the pregnancy test at PP. She was scared but wanted to keep the baby. Her parents and boyfriend pushed her to terminate. Our state had a mandatory ultrasound and 48-hour waiting period; she shared the ultrasound photo with me. It was not a clump of cells. We could see the head, the defined jaw and chin, a small arm. She wanted to refuse. Her parents sedated her and forced her to go in for the termination. She had a total breakdown. In the months that came she drank, did drugs, became self-destructive. She later killed herself. Every time I hear someone say "clump of cells" and "not human," I think back to an ultrasound photo from 1996.

For some it was increased knowledge of biology:

Lauren: Me. #1 Science; recognizing that's a human in the early part of the human life cycle and we shouldn't kill humans. I can't reason out of that fact.

Jackie: I’m liberal so being pro-choice came with the territory, but I'm also a professor and I’ve been teaching Anatomy & Physiology since 2002. When I started teaching an advanced Human Physiology class in 2008, something huge shifted inside of me. I can't teach about the wonders of development and ignore the wonders of development. I'm also inherently a tree-hugger and can’t handle it when trees and animals are harmed and the cognitive dissonance started breaking.

Lori:

I was pro-choice for many years. I finally found it too exhausting trying to justify abortion while also supporting my values in science, equality, non-violence, and non-discrimination.

The science doesn't lie. It's a scientific fact of biology that life begins right after the fusion of the two cells, where our unique human genetic makeup now exists, with our own individual DNA.

Every pro-choice person (including me once) tries to say this may be what happens to the cells but it's not "alive." Which is ridiculous! I was that once. A zygote. We all were.
So if I wasn't "alive" then, then how am I here now? That's when I changed. I can't deny the science.

No human should lose their only chance to experience this physical conscious life as we are enjoying, simply because we ignored the reproduction process that's been happening for thousands of years, and don't want to take responsibility for our actions.

Andrew: I used to think that it was nobody's business. I was against abortion being funded publicly but if people wanted to pay for their abortion procedures I thought that was fine. But then I read about and started to think about when human life begins and biologically speaking it starts at conception and saying it begins somewhere after that is to impose your scientifically unfounded beliefs. And if that is a human life you cannot kill it just because it inconveniences you.

Some people changed their minds after talking to pro-lifers:

Karen: A discussion with a pro-life person outside a Planned Parenthood in Washington D.C. At the time, I was assisting PP with political strategies. And thought I was doing so as a strike against the Patriarchy. This woman challenged me to read what the first feminists had to say about abortion. That led to more reading and finally the scales fell from my eyes.

Mike: I was pro-choice because of the media. Eddie Vedder was my hero and I took a lot of my social justice beliefs from him. Once I met pro-life people and started having open discussions about it, I realized I had no foundation to why I believed the government should not be involved in a woman's decision. Once you recognize a fetus as a human life, or even a potential human life, you can't stay pro-choice very long.

Heidi: I read Abby Johnson's book seven years ago. Completely changed my mind. I started educating myself and learning more about what abortion really was and how we can embrace life and protect it at its most vulnerable stage. How can we be a species that kills our young simply because it’s convenient?

Darinka: I thought I'd never do it, but I wouldn't dictate the choice to someone else. But then a friend asked me a simple question. "Why would you never do it?" And when I thought about it, I realized that it's for the same reasons nobody else should.

Kristin: I was pro-choice until a few years ago. A close pro-life family member was challenging my conscience with facts against abortion. I felt I had to strengthen my argument with facts too, so I went on a mission to educate myself with as much unbiased information as I could find. That journey led me to the truth, and the truth led me to becoming pro-life. I watched "The Silent Scream" and an interview with Dr. Levatino, and I was forever changed, and glad for it.

Abby: I started to change my mind when I held my own miscarried baby in my hands. I completely changed my mind when I read about Abby Johnson. If she could cross over to pro-life I could too and it didn't make me a hypocrite.

Ellen: I was heavily indoctrinated into everything hard left, including radical support for abortion, coming of age in a large east coast city government school environment. I was also raised Catholic, while my catechesis was... Not great... So that probably planted the seeds of a consistent view on the dignity of human life. As a young adult, I decided I was personally pro-life, but politically pro-choice (I didn't want to force my view on others). It was my then-boyfriend (now husband), who identified as atheist/agnostic at the time, who highlighted the logical inconsistency of my position; if I was against abortion personally, the fact that it was a human rights violation didn't change depending on who was committing it. Over the next few years, I formed a highly consistent life ethic—all human life, regardless of circumstances, from conception through natural death.

And, maybe surprisingly, some changed their minds after talking to pro-choicers:

Stephen: I met other pro-choicers, heard their arguments, tried to research some of them, and ended up finding a good number of fallacies or terrible ethics. Sooner or later I adopted into my moral philosophy that all humans have an intrinsic value, and abortion under any circumstances is incompatible with that philosophy.

Shelby: I used to be pro-choice as I believe that if you get rid of it before it has a heartbeat it isn't as bad. But what pushed me to just be pro-life is pro-choicers pushing for second and third trimester abortions. Acting like abortions are normal.

Cian: To an extent I still am pro-choice but what's driving me out of that camp is seeing the enthusiasm and wanting to terminate and display it as something that should be celebrated.

Stephanie: I was always an "Abortion is murder but..." thinker but the left's cultural shift from "Abortion is a necessary evil sometimes" to "celebrate your abortion" has prompted me to think "Abortion is murder." Period. I cannot be on board with the celebration of the murder of the most innocent for convenience's sake.

Katherine: Two things: (1) going to a sex week event in college and seeing pro-choice people misrepresent statistics. I thought "If we have the right argument, we shouldn’t need to lie and manipulate numbers." (2) I shadowed in a hospital and went through pages and pages of women's gynecological history, seeing that most of the women had at least one abortion. The prevalence was shocking. Then I came across a 24-year-old woman who had been pregnant ELEVEN times and had SEVEN abortions. THAT is the moment I completely switched to pro-life and realized abortion is completely abused and not "rare."

See more stories about conversion on FB here. Also check out this Twitter thread by a pro-choice woman explaining how her friends and family's experiences made her views on abortion "more cautious."